


Jayne and the Beanstalk

by Lyrstzha



Category: Firefly
Genre: Banter, Comment Fic, Fairy Tale Retellings, Flash Fic, Gen, Humor, Snark, magic beans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 17:30:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2118606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyrstzha/pseuds/Lyrstzha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You mean to say,” Mal gritted out, with a mean-looking squint for emphasis, “that you accepted payment for our cargo – our perfectly good cattle with not so much as a case'a hoof-root among 'em – in <i>a handful'a beans</i>? That really what I'm hearing right now?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jayne and the Beanstalk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [storiesfortravellers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/gifts).



> For the fairy tale meme prompt of Firefly and Jack and the Beanstalk.

“You mean to say,” Mal gritted out, with a mean-looking squint for emphasis, “that you accepted payment for our cargo – our perfectly good cattle with not so much as a case'a hoof-root among 'em – in _a handful'a beans_? That really what I'm hearing right now?”

Zoe regarded the handful of beans Jayne held out toward them. “Must be he meant to tell us there's more beans outside, Captain. Year's supply, surely. No way Jayne'd take less. That ain't his kinda stupid.”

“But these beans is _magic_ , Mal! They can take _Serenity_ to a secret moon where the streets're all paved in gold!” Jayne waved the handful of beans earnestly. “We'll all be rich 'n fancified, just you wait.”

Zoe tapped her fingers thoughtfully on her gun. “Might be I underestimated the stretch of his kinda stupid, Sir.”

“So I'm thinkin'.” Mal pinched the bridge of his nose. 

Kaylee peered over Mal's shoulder at Jayne's handful of beans. “I dunno, Cap'n. Maybe these beans got some kinda special star map right in their genes or somethin'. Could be that's a thing, right?”

“See?” demanded Jayne eagerly. “Star genes! Told you they was magic!”

Mal shot a look back at Simon. “That a possibility, you think?”

Simon threw up his hands. “How many times do I have to tell you? _Medicine_ I know. Animal husbandry, horticulture, and any other black magic you might encounter, and you're on your own.”

Jayne lifted his free hand to point an accusing finger at Simon. “And you say I gotta foul mouth! Least I don't talk about animal husband whores in front'a the girl-folk.” Here he indicated River, who leaned over the catwalk above curiously, with a jerk of his chin.

“You can lead a hor-ti-culture, but you can't make him think,” River called back.

Mal smacked the palm of his hand against his forehead.

Wash patted him on the shoulder. “Look on the bright side,” he consoled. “Think of it less as the most ridiculous swindle ever and more as a very small casserole.”


End file.
